Italian Newly Weds

The newly married Italian couple came home to Brooklyn from their honeymoon and moved into the upstairs apartment they'd rented from the groom's parents.
That night the father of the groom was awakened from his deep sleep by his wife nudging him by hitting his stomach with her elbow. "Tony, listen!" she whispered.

He listened. Upstairs, the bed was creaking in rhythm. The wife said, "Come on, Tony!"

So Tony rolled on top of her and screwed her. He was trying to fall back to sleep when fifteen minutes later the same sounds were heard. The wife said, "Tony! Listen to them! Come on, Tony!" Once again, Tony got on top of her and screwed her. A short time later the bedsprings upstairs began to squeak again. And again the wife nudged her husband. "Tony, listen!"

At this, Tony leaped from the bed, grabbed a broom and banged the handle against the ceiling as he shouted, "Hey, kids, cut it out! You're killing your old man!"

A deaf mute walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five-dollar bill next to it. The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf-mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.

"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."