God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant belly and a beer belly?
A: One gives birth and the other gives burps.
The real meaning behind the abbreviations in personal ads
THE MALE LIST
40-ish.................. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic................ Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average looking......... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated................ Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit............. Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first........ As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun..................... Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking............ Arrogant
Honest.................. Pathological Liar
Huggable................ Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Like to cuddle.......... Insecure, overly dependent
Mature.................. Until you get to know him
Open-minded............. Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not
interested
Physically fit.......... I spend a lot of time in front of mirror
admiring myself
Poet.................... Has written on a bathroom stall
Spiritual............... Once went to church with his grandmother on
Easter Sunday
Stable.................. Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful.............. Says "Please" when demanding a beer
Quote:
"Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and
eliminating hunger. What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins."
"God created man before creating woman, because you need a rough draft
before creating a masterpiece."
Single women complain that all good men are married, while all
married
women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there
is no such thing as a good man.
Ever notice how many of women's problems can be traced to the male
gender?
MENstruation
MENopause
MENtal breakdown
GUYnecology
HIMmorrhoids
Q: What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
A: Castrated.
\
Q: What's the most useful part of a man?
A: A wallet.
Q: Did you hear about the woman who finally figured men?
A: She died laughing before she could tell anybody.
Q: Did you hear about the man who figured out women?
A: He's the same guy who wrote the tax code...
Don't Drink Beer !!
Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small
traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12
pints of beer and observed that 100% of them:
- gained weight
- talked excessively without making sense
- became emotional
- and couldn't drive.
No further testing is planned
Wieners come in packs of 10,
buns in packs of 8,
beer in packs of 6,
condoms in packs of 3.
Why can't they get it straight.
Men need a calculator just to have a weekend.
Diamonds are a girl's best friends.
Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?
Other Jokes about men
Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them:
- gained weight
- talked excessively without making sense
- became emotional
- and couldn't drive.
No further testing is planned
Wieners come in packs of 10,
buns in packs of 8,
beer in packs of 6,
condoms in packs of 3.
Why can't they get it straight.
Men need a calculator just to have a weekend.
Diamonds are a girl's best friends.
Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?
Other Jokes about men