If you know a good joke that should be printed
here. Please e-mail it to me at Chimera@netmagic.net
Clinton was walking around the White House with a pair of ladies panties on his arm. Everyone was looking at him and wondering what he was doing
now. After about an hour one guy got brave enough to ask him what he was
doing with the pair of ladies panties on his arm and Clinton replied,
"It's the patch, I'm trying to quit."
The Presidential Sing Along
His baloney has a first name,
It's "I did not inhale."
His baloney has a second name:
"I wasn't getting tail."
He loves to sling it every day,
The White House people all just say,
That Billy Clinton has a way
Of making bullshit sound OK!
Did you hear that Bill Clinton gave up the saxaphone?
...yeah ,he
went
the whoremonica.
A CALL FROM HILLARY
Hillary went in for her yearly checkup. When she was finished,
she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He said he was pleased
and that she is in great shape but, that she was pregnant!
She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that she most
definitely was a month pregnant. Well, she stormed out of the office
and went to the receptionist and took the phone and called the white
house.
When the operator answered she said that it was Hillary and that
she wanted to talk to Bill right away. Well they rang the oval office
and Bill answered. Hillary started screaming: "Do you know what you
did you lousy jerk. You got me pregnant!!!
The President remained silent. Again, Hillary shouted, "DO YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU DID, YOU #$@&# GOOD-FOR-NOTHING JERK? YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!!!"
Finally Bill answered "Who is this???"........................
President Clinton, what do you want to do about this abortion bill?
"I guess...pay it!"
How did Bill reply regarding questions of "coaching" Monica's testimony?
"It wasn't like I put words in her mouth".
President Clinton said to Monica, "I didn't tell you to lie in deposition
.. .I told you to lie in THAT POSITION!"
Tragedy
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the
students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stands up and offers that "If my best friend who
lives next door was playing in the street when a car came
along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raises her hand. "If a schoolbus carrying fifty children
drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a
tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton."That is what we would call
a GREAT LOSS."
The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.
"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there any one here who can
give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice,
he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary Clinton were
blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."
"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell
me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident,
and it certainly would be no great loss!"
Similarities between Nixon and Clinton
Nixon: Watergate
Clinton: Waterbed
Nixon: His biggest fear - the Cold War
Clinton: His biggest fear - a Cold Sore
Nixon: Worried about carpet bombs.
Clinton: Worried about carpet burns.
Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek.
Clinton: His Vice President is a geek.
Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger.
Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her.
Nixon: Couldn't explain the 18 minute gap in the Watergate tape.
Clinton: Couldn't explain the 36-DD bra in his brief case
Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick
Clinton: same
Nixon: Ex-President
Clinton: Sex-President
Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One"
Clinton: Known for women pointing at him saying, "He's the one!"
Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak
Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak
Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
Clinton: Well acquainted with the G Spot
Nixon: Took on Ho Chi Minh
Clinton: Took on Ho.
Nixon: Talked about achieving peace with honor.
Clinton: Talked about getting a piece while on her
Q: Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill everyday at
5 am?
A: She wants to make sure that she is the first lady.
The Spelling Bee...Dan Quayle, Frank Gifford and Bill
Clinton were in
a spelling contest. Unbelievably, Dan Quayle won! He was
the only one
of the three who knew that 'harass' was one word.
Women in Washington DC were asked if they would have sex
with the
President 86 said "Not again."
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.
Q: What is the difference between Clinton and the
Titanic?
A: Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.
Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle
East?
A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Soda Pop machines have in
common?
Answer:They both have slots which say "Insert 'Bill"
here."
Q: What help wanted ad did Monica Lewinsky answer?
A: Be a White House intern, and get a taste of the
Presidency!
There's a new Bill Clinton computer coming out soon.
It will have a six inch hard drive, but no memory.
Q: Did you hear that when this scandal is over that Monica
plans to
sell her story? A:She said she will tell it Blow by
Blow.
Q:What's Monica going to title her memories?
A: "How to suckseed in the Oval Office without really trying!"
Q: Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?
A: To keep his ankles warm.
Q:Why can't they prosecute Bill Clinton?
A:Monica swallowed the evidence
Q: Why does Monica Lewinsky have such puffy cheeks?
A: She's withholding evidence.
Q:Whats the difference between Clinton and a screw
driver?
A: A screw driver turns in screws and Clinton screws
interns.
Q:Why does Monica refuse to play golf with Bill?
A: Because she's tired of his balls hitting her in the
face.
Q: Bill was recently overheard complimenting Monica's
appearance.
A: "She's got the whitest teeth I've ever cum across!"
Q:Bill's nickname for Hillary is, "My little
buttercup"
A:His nickname for Monica? "My little suctioncup"
More Clinton Jokes:
