As you step up to the bar......
Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady
nearby began choking on a hamburger. As she gasped and
gagged, one Texan turned to the other and said, "that
little
gal is havin a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help
her."
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head
in his big Texan
hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook
her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping,
she again shook her head no.
With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties,
and licked her on the butt. The young lady was so shocked that
she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own.
The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know,
it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works."
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two hookers
and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however,
is unable to get an erection. His depression is enhanced by the fact
that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UUH!" all
night long.
In the morning, the second dwar fasks the first,
How did it go?" The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I
Simply couldn't get an erection."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's
embarrassing?" he asked.
"I couldn't even get on the bed!"
A man walks into a bar, walks up to the bartender, opens his coat and
out pops a one foot man, who runs around to the piano and begins to play. The bartender says. "Whoa, where'd
you get him?"
The man says, "There was a genie in the parking lot who gave him to me."
The bartender says, "Is he still there?"
"Probably," says the man.
"Watch the bar for me, okay?" asks
the bartender, and he runs out to the parking lot, where he
finds the genie.
"What is your wish?" asks the genie.
"I wish for a million bucks!" answers the bartender.
"Wish granted," replies the genie,
and he disappears. Suddenly, the bartender is surrounded by a million ducks. Angrily, he goes back into the bar.
"What's wrong with that genie?" he asks the man at the bar. "I wished for
a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks!"
"I don't know," answers the man. "Maybe he's hard of hearing. Do you
really think I
asked for a 12-inch pianist?"
The Taxidermist
A guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a Grape
Nehi.
Surprised, the bartender looks around and says "You ain't
from around
here... where you from, boy?".
The guy says, "I'm from Pennsylvania."
The bartender asks, "What do you do up in Pennsylvania?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... what the hell is a
taxidermist?"
The guy says "I mount dead animals."
The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar, "It's OK
boys, he's one of us.
More Bar Jokes
