Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she
heard: "One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four." "Three and
His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this
way of doing math. Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Clara Jones
taught him. His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the
The next day she approached Ms. Jones and told her what
happened. The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't
understand why Johnny had said what he did.
Then suddenly, Ms Jones exclaimed, "Oh, I know... here in
school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."
Little Johnny was playing with his airplane in the back yard and his
mother Was in the kitchen washing the dishes. As John was playing she
could hear her son saying "come on all you ass-holes get off the fuck'n
airplane we've got a schedule to keep. Alright all you cock suckers get on
the airplane and sit the fuck down we're taking off in two minutes."
When Johnny's mother hear this she went outside and told john to go to
his bedroom because he was grounded for 2 hours. 2 hours later Johnny's
mother came into his bedroom and told him if he could
play nice and he wasn't grounded anymore.
So Johnny when back outside to play with his airplane "ok all you nice
people please hurry off the airplane we have to leave on time, thank you"
"alright all you wonderful passengers please get on the airplane we have
to leave in 2 minutes, thank you." "And all you people in back complaining
about the 2 hour delay see the bitch in the kitchen".
A nursery school teacher says to the class, "Who can use the word
'Definitely' in a sentence?" First little girl says "The sky is definitely
Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."
Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green"
"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown..." the teacher
Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks..
"Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"OK... then I have DEFINITELY shit in my pants