Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard: "One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two." "Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four." "Three and three... "
His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Clara Jones taught him. His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework.
The next day she approached Ms. Jones and told her what happened. The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Johnny had said what he did.
Then suddenly, Ms Jones exclaimed, "Oh, I know... here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."


Little Johnny was playing with his airplane in the back yard and his mother Was in the kitchen washing the dishes. As John was playing she could hear her son saying "come on all you ass-holes get off the fuck'n airplane we've got a schedule to keep. Alright all you cock suckers get on the airplane and sit the fuck down we're taking off in two minutes."

When Johnny's mother hear this she went outside and told john to go to his bedroom because he was grounded for 2 hours. 2 hours later Johnny's mother came into his bedroom and told him if he could play nice and he wasn't grounded anymore.

So Johnny when back outside to play with his airplane "ok all you nice people please hurry off the airplane we have to leave on time, thank you" "alright all you wonderful passengers please get on the airplane we have to leave in 2 minutes, thank you." "And all you people in back complaining about the 2 hour delay see the bitch in the kitchen".

A nursery school teacher says to the class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?" First little girl says "The sky is definitely blue"

Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."

Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green"

"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown..." the teacher replied.

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks.. "Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK... then I have DEFINITELY shit in my pants