Mallory!
1807 Potts Hill Road
Etters, PA 17319-9648
USA
Adoption
Kris of New Jersey asked me to address a subject that is in the news quite often these days. Adoption.
Each adoption case is unique, but there are usually two different types of people looking to adopt children. The first kind are usually infertile couples. They cannot have children naturally so they try to make a family.Usually this first type seeks babies or small children wholly, without any preconceived notions or behavorial problems.
The second type of person realized that there are a huge number of older children who have no families, especially onces born with disorders or drug addictions. This second type of person tries to rescue these less fortunate children. The latter type of person is much more rare. Usually they start out as foster parents. However many forster parents find that life is too traumatic and they stop fostering all together. My father works with a fellow who almost did this when a situation with a small boy he and his wife were fostering went wrong.
The second type of person I described seems slightly more heroic when we here about giant custody battles between birth parents and adoptive parents. Cases like Baby EM create controversial questions that scare away people considering adoption. We also hear the two-sided issue of adopted children searching for their birth parents.
When the biological parent(s) decides to give up their child, the closest of kin are notified to make sure no-one else is willing to raise the child. The a suitable family is found and custody is given to the adoptive parents. The adoptive parents can choose to tell their child that he or she was adopted, although many do not. The birth parents have time even after the papers are signed to take back their decision. The length of that time varies from state to state. It can be days, weeks or months.
The question is, is it really ok to have a child who only knows their adoptive parents be taken away and placed in a forgien environment? It is justifiable? How could we hope to know what kind of an effect of this confusing and traumantic experience of literally switching families can have on a person, expecially a small child?
On the other hand, it must be a terribly difficult decision to give up your child. Should we change the adoption process to accomodate this? Many people have called adopted children the most loved people. Adoption is a form of love. The birth parents realize that another person or persons can give their child a better home, a better chance at life. The adoptive parents are willing to give that better life. An act of pure love, so I ask why must people ruin it?
Sometimes children who were adopted try to find their birth parents and sometimes birth parents try to find the child they gave up. This is sometimes a unwanted incident by the receiving party. Although there are occasions when they do appreciate it. One surefire way to keep this shock from happening is "open adoption". Through open adoption the birth parent keeps in touch with the adoptive parent(s) and child. It is a sad thing that this form is not widely practiced.
If anyone wishes to add something, please write!